I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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