our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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