I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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