Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
