i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
