no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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