Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
