all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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