he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
