the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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