Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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