yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
