i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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