Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were trust falling into bushes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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