I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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