i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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