We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think a kid would responsible me up
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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