Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am available for nakedness
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
