I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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