Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
