It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
