my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
