Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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