my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She bit a glass in half.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Two words: blizzard sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
