also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize