She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
