I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
