Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
