This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
