His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
