Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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