she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
