That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
