the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My cat gives me a boner
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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