well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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