dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i have herpe
just one?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
