Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize