OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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