youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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