All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
