I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I FOUND THE LEGS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
