I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
foreskin is a definite game changer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
