i just wanna soil my oats bro
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
