She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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