from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize