Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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