you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
