You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
