I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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