dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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