I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
