The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize