Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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