Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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