mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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