I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize