Four minutes until I can fart!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
