Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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