i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The Olympian is in my bed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
