who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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