and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
