I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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