Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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