I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
